Tweet #wakeupwednesdaylinky Welcome to the 39th week of Wake Up Wednesday “Linky” We are so excited to have you all party with us. Thank you so much to all those who participate in our party. Last week we had 406 awesome … Continue reading
I am a sucker for holidays. There really isn’t any holiday that I don’t enjoy or that I don’t like making crafts or food for. To me, Halloween is such a fun holiday. It’s a day when you can … Continue reading
I am such a Lover of Fall. I love snuggling under a fuzzy blanket in front of the fireplace with a hot cup of coffee and a good book, all while watching the leaves gently swirl to the ground. … Continue reading
This post is sponsored by Authors of the Marietta Fair Series. My opinions are 100% my own. You can view my full Disclosure Policy here. Well it’s that time again for so many country folk like me. What you say? … Continue reading
Tweet #wakeupwednesdaylinky Welcome to the 37th week of Wake Up Wednesday “Linky” 24 Blogs – 1 Party & Giveaway We are so excited to have you all party with us. Thank you so much to all those who participate … Continue reading
Tweet #wakeupwednesdaylinky Welcome to the 36th week of Wake Up Wednesday “Linky” 25 Blogs – 1 Party & Giveaway We are so excited to have you all party with us. Thank you so much to … Continue reading
Hi ya’ll! I have been nominated by Sarah Hauer at On The Way Home to be part of the Tour Through BlogLand. I am so excited that Sarah chose me to participate. So a Big Southern Thank You Sarah. … Continue reading
Tweet #wakeupwednesdaylinky Welcome to the 35th week of Wake Up Wednesday “Linky” 25 Blogs – 1 Party & Giveaway We are so excited to have you all party with us. Thank you so much to … Continue reading
I’m currently suffering through the hottest month of the year when my desk fan becomes next to useless no matter how high I turn it up. Homemade ice cream recipes to the rescue!
Are you curious like me where the zucchini is?
Football season is just about underway! Whether it is a club, college, high school or professional teams are practicing and getting ready for another exciting season. My family loves to watch football. Of course football also means snacks, so to go along with our first game of the season I created this portable SNICKERS Pretzel Snack with cute little football bags.
I had these delicious Bourbon-Maple sweet potatoes as one of my sides. Ben doesn’t normally like sweet potatoes (which is one reason I ordered them!- kidding!) but he inhaled these babies. I decided to try to recreate the sweet potato recipe for our Thanksgiving meal and they were pretty spot-on.
In case you missed Part 1, I’m taking you on the mother of all house tours…
at Blairsden Mansion, in Peapack-Gladstone NJ.which was the site of a
Designer Showhouse fundraiser, back in May.
This frosty treat makes a refreshing ending to any summer meal. Simply scoop the slushy mixture into bowls or tall glasses and enjoy a refreshing dessert, all while still getting that melon flavor fix, albeit without all the dripping. Add a splash of vodka for an even sweeter summer adult beverage.
Finally, we found a dresser that fit out needs. It wasn’t too over-scale, had 9 drawers, and was only $100.
I was going to come up with a simple crock pot recipe, and then I found this decadent pumpkin butter recipe from I Bake, He Shoots. I tried it, loved it, and now…it’s the one I’m going to recommend. (Well, that’s an easy first day, isn’t it?)
Ever since I was five, my mother and I have always made this Classic Cherry Pie for special occasions or just dessert. I’ve never lost my taste for cherries…or dessert. This recipe has been a family favorite for years. A simple recipe easy to make for busy days.
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It has taken me a while to write this post, and as I sit here and type my fingers feel so heavy.
Most bloggers, social media junkies or movie lovers were posting, tweeting and commenting minutes if not moments after hearing the news of the suicude of Robin Williams.
But I couldn’t.
I remember standing in my bathroom that afternoon as my husband walks up and tells me what had happened. For most of our society, they automatically wanted to share their favorite movie or how Robin made them laugh through the years. But for me, my mind went in a different direction. My thoughts were, “What battles was he fighting inside?”, “How much pain was he feeling but not sharing with the ones he loved?”, “Did he reach out or try to keep up the facade of everything is okay?”.
Robin Williams was a man who made others smile, while he was dying inside. When did his laughter turn to tears for him? Was making others laugh and smile a coping mechanism for his own survival?” These questions will probably never be answered because for the hurting people its not easy to share or explain.
You might wander why my thoughts went to his pain that day?
See, I also struggle with mental illness. I am diagnosed with Bi-Polar (aka manic depression), Anxiety and Panic Disorders, OCD and even though I haven’t officially been diagnosed yet, we are leaning toward Highly Sensitive Disorder (HSD). I knew even as a young child I was different. I was creative, and enjoyed being by myself. I would sit in my room all weekend and read or make up stories. As a teenager, relationships became difficult. I would get upset over the slightest thing and withdraw from friends.
After I was married and had children my symptoms were severe. I would sit in my closet and rock back and forth. When the world said something was okay, I had a meltdown. See in my world little things become big things and they are not okay. Finally after the death of my momma, I had the trigger that would define me for the rest of my life. I was under so much stress and grief, that was all it took to flip my switch inside my head.
Mental Illness is cruel. It is exhausting. The world does not understand and even though we live in a day of modern medicine where so many illnesses are normal, mental illness is still judged and you can never be normal. It’s hard to know that no matter how much treatment you have, and meds you take the illness is never going away.
I’m not sure why we all experience struggles and hardships. I’m not sure why when we try our hardest to be a light in the world of darkness, to serve God’s people, to show love when no one else is, why we still become broken.
In the past month I had made a decision for myself and my health to take a step back from so many obligations. To start saying “No” for a change and focus on me, something that I’m not very good at.
See, I’ve never focused on me. It’s always been about everybody else. Isn’t that what we are taught? To not be selfish, that our life is not our own? But what I realized in the midst of giving my whole self away to everyone and everything that needed me, I lost me.
I lost the person I was, the person who had dreams and visions for who I wanted to be, the person who stood out in the crowds for not being scared to take a risk. But everytime I gave a little more of me away, I became someone I didn’t recognize. I started realizing that people are cruel, heartless and so judgemental. People are selfish. It’s all about how much more can they get.
And how we live in a society of laziness. Forget doing anything for yourself. Just have someone else do it for you.
I was raised in a older generation family. A family where hard work was not an option. Where you took care of your family and you didn’t play a victim so you could get help without doing any work for it. You kept your problems quiet. You worked them out within the walls of your own home. You didn’t need to shout it from the rooftops or on Social Media. A time of slower pace and so much more simplicity. I realized, that is still who I am. I am still that person who was raised in simplicity. Who made sure her family was taken care of and who wasn’t in a constant rat race.
I started enjoying being alone, being at home. In the quietness of my own walls I found peace and solace. I started finding interests I enjoyed. Ways to share my creativity without being overwhelmed and overran. I started realizing I enjoyed the companionship of my fur-babies. I loved the joy they experienced when I was around. The unconditional love I experienced from them. I started finding myself living for them. For a living soul who was genuinely happy I was alive. Who, no matter what mood I was experiencing, knew no judgements against me.
So I had made the decision to put focus back on me a month ago. To start worrying about my dreams, and my visions again. To slow down, stop back and get healthy.
Since that time two of my fur-babies have died.
Am I being punished for loving them?
Am I being punished for being selfish for the first time in my life?
I’m not really sure.
All I know is I am broken. I am hurting, I’m mad, and I’m angry. But most of all I have so much guilt that I’m hating myself.
I’m I being taught a lesson or is it just life I’m experiencing?
I don’t know the answer. All I know is that the more pain and hurt I experience the more I want to surround myself within the walls on my own home and try to protect the ones who matter most in my heart.
See I’m human.
And I’m grieving.
Maybe it’s not over a human life but it’s over a life that showed me more love than most would dare to do.
When you have the illness I have, and it already takes an army to fight each day, any loss becomes too much to bear. The world becomes a dark, ugly place that I no longer want to be involved in.
I hate the battles that are inside me. I’m not sure why I’m being tormented.
Why did God decide I needed to have this illness.
I can’t seem to find peace anymore. I keep praying for God to shed some light on the situation but I can’t find the answers. I feel I’m losing myself.
I’m in an emotional war. A war I pray that others never have to experience.
So today, I am doing something for myself. I am taking a huge step to get emotional healthy. It will not be easy, it will not be quick. But it will be worth it in the end. I am tired of saying I’m Okay, when I’m not. I’m tired of putting on a smile when I’m dying inside.
Today is the day I find peace. I will be on a health, healing and prayer sabbatical for the next few weeks. Until I return I ask you to pray for my health and my healing. I ask you to pray for the others who are hurt and broken but hasn’t found the courage to step forward. I pray you take care of yourself.